Spring Things

Suddenly, it's spring! Or so it seems. I hate to even write that for fear it will disappear. It probably will, it is Chicago after all, but it sure is nice, if even for a few days. The sun is shining! What a huge difference THAT makes. And it's in the 50's! People are coming out of the woodwork. Spring is good. New beginnings and all that. New life. Hope. Tulips. Bunnies. And baseball. Spring is usually a very short lived affair here in Chicago. You have to grab it while you can. One year, it snowed on my son's birthday, May 5, on the outdoor party we had planned. That's spring in Chicago. So yesterday, I took a long walk in honor of this surprise appearance of spring. The air smelled good. Like baseball, as my oldest son would say when he was little. When spring arrived he would declare, "it smells like baseball", and all would be well with the world. Only all is not well with the world this spring. Everwhere I walked I was confronted with memories. I can't escape them. I'm surrounded by them. We met, courted, lived, loved, worked, played, and raised our family in the same few mile (if that) radius for 25 years. As I walk, I pass the spot Lou and I bumped into each other and were both hit by lightning. This is the place we used to have lunch during work days. This is where we sat outside for coffee. These are the store windows we used to gaze at. This is the way we walked to church. This is his favorite spot on the avenue. This is where the boys were born. And, this is where we went for Lou's treatment, and tests, and appointments, and... It's all here, in walking distance. It's all here, right outside my door. Our life. I can see why people want to move and start over when they have lost their life partner. I feel that way sometimes, I do. That's running away, isn't it. Hiding. I can understand that. But, let's be realistic. Can't do that. Have to face it, and live with it, within it. A new way, somehow. That's what spring is for, isn't it? To give us a gentle push. To welcome us back to life. To help us find a new path. I hope spring sticks this year. I need it to.