Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

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Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

A Red Dress

I really like the color red. I particularly like WEARING red (note the profile pic). Red is a "feel good" color, and when I wear it, it is just about impossible not to feel good. Most women have to have a "little black dress" in their wardrobe. Not me. Never me. I've always had to have a little RED dress in my wardrobe. Black doesn't make me feel good. I wore navy to Lou's memorial. A dress I am sure I will never wear again. Anyway, over the years, I have had some great red dresses. Lou always loved me in red too. He hated it when I wore what he called "drabby" colors, the beige/taupe stuff. He liked me in deeper, vibrant colors. He was right, as he usually was. Anyway, I am on a mission to find a new dress to wear to a black tie wedding. A dear friend's son is getting married next weekend. I wasn't planning on going, these types of things are too difficult. But lots of our friends will be there, and I know it is going to be so lovely. Hopefully I can handle it. But back to the dress. It's been over two years, certainly, since I've been to anything fancy. And in those two years, I've somehow managed to "outgrow" most everything in my closet (it's something that automatically happens to caregivers it seems). I went shopping with my mom a few days ago while she was here. My 82 year old mom is a serial shopper. I used to be, but that is another thing that changed with caregiving, and it's for the better anyway. So we only made it to one store. Lucky for us, this particular store had alot of fancy dresses in stock, and many on sale. My mom is a serial sale shopper. I like a bargain too. I automatically gravitated to the red dresses. There were quite a few nice ones. A few chocolate browns, and one ok green one that Lou would have thought was drabby. For some strange reason, several of the dresses actually FIT me. The best one was red of course (and not on sale, natch). A lovely red dress, the kind that would make Lou's eyes twinkle, a red dress for dancing, for drinking champagne, for flirting, and for feeling good in. I got carried away. For a few moments, I guess I forgot that I am a widow, that I am going to this event alone, and that I probably won't be dancing at all. I was shopping for my old life. I was thinking how Lou would like the dress. I was thinking how he would light up when he saw it. I was thinking of how he would twirl me on the dance floor. My mom thought I should buy it. I didn't. "Lou would want you to have it", she said. She's right. In my old life, Lou would want me to have that dress. But not now. It wasn't right for now. Maybe someday, in a new life, a long long time from now. I can't imagine that life, but I hope it includes red dresses. By then, it won't fit. So, no red dress. Not now. Not THAT red dress for sure. Not the skinny straps, etc. My mom has gone back to Michigan. It's back to the drawing board. I hate shopping. I can see why everyone wears black, it's alot easier. Maybe I'll try it.


Blogger Sue said...

So glad you were able to get through the strings of google. That happened to me as well and finally one day it worked. Who knows? I hope one day you will be back in Red but your right the black will do for now. I hope you have a good time at the wedding amongst good friends and I just bet someone will get you on that dance floor.

8:54 PM  

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