Don't Look Now

Suddenly, it's here. The holiday season, in all it's glory. It's here. It started showing itself back in October, when I stumbled upon it up on the 8th floor of the former Marshall Field's , now Macy's , but we don't call it that. It hit me in the gut that day and left me breathless. Little by little, it has spread, and now, it's everywhere. The stores are decorated, the holiday commercials are on, the catalogues have all landed in the mail, the outdoor lights are up. The only thing missing is the Salvation Army bell ringers, and they will start any day now. I thought maybe since it started so EARLY, that I might become immune to it, and that it wouldn't affect me. That somehow, I could just skate through the season with blinders on and soon it would be January. Not soon enough. No, not soon enough. I can't bear to walk down Michigan Avenue, where Lou and I walked last holiday season, arm in arm. I knew it would be our last time, I knew that. He so loved walking down Michigan Avenue, at any time of year, but especially during the holidays. He wasn't walking all that well last year, but we did manage that walk. I'm so glad we did. We had our traditional holiday dinner at his favorite place that he loves so much. I'm so glad we did. And we had presents. I had to buy and wrap mine, from him, and he thought he did it all. But that was fun. Giving myself gifts, from Lou, was fun. Because it made him happy. "Was it a good Christmas?", he'd say. Yes, it was. As sad as it was, it was a good Christmas. And I'm so glad we had that. But now, I find myself waiting for January just as anxiously as a child waits for Christmas. It can't come soon enough.