Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

My Photo
Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Don't Look Now

Suddenly, it's here. The holiday season, in all it's glory. It's here. It started showing itself back in October, when I stumbled upon it up on the 8th floor of the former Marshall Field's , now Macy's , but we don't call it that. It hit me in the gut that day and left me breathless. Little by little, it has spread, and now, it's everywhere. The stores are decorated, the holiday commercials are on, the catalogues have all landed in the mail, the outdoor lights are up. The only thing missing is the Salvation Army bell ringers, and they will start any day now. I thought maybe since it started so EARLY, that I might become immune to it, and that it wouldn't affect me. That somehow, I could just skate through the season with blinders on and soon it would be January. Not soon enough. No, not soon enough. I can't bear to walk down Michigan Avenue, where Lou and I walked last holiday season, arm in arm. I knew it would be our last time, I knew that. He so loved walking down Michigan Avenue, at any time of year, but especially during the holidays. He wasn't walking all that well last year, but we did manage that walk. I'm so glad we did. We had our traditional holiday dinner at his favorite place that he loves so much. I'm so glad we did. And we had presents. I had to buy and wrap mine, from him, and he thought he did it all. But that was fun. Giving myself gifts, from Lou, was fun. Because it made him happy. "Was it a good Christmas?", he'd say. Yes, it was. As sad as it was, it was a good Christmas. And I'm so glad we had that. But now, I find myself waiting for January just as anxiously as a child waits for Christmas. It can't come soon enough.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your story about buying your own gifts last year reminded me....after my father passed away, my mother decided that just because he wasn't there to do it himself, there was no reason he shouldn't continue to buy her Christmas gifts. She would find something that was the sort of thing she wouldn't normally buy herself, such as a beautiful coat that she certainly didn't need, and was quite expensive, but that she had fallen in love with...something that was just the sort of gift he would have bought for her. She would buy it and say it was from my dad. Several of her friends who were in the same situation adopted the same practice. I think it somehow made them feel a little better, a little more connected to their husbands, thinking about what gifts they might have chosen for them. I'm sure Lou would want to continue to give you a gift each Christmas, so I suggest you get busy helping him shop!

12:01 PM  

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