Back to bed, again
I'm back to my old habits I'm afraid. I started out the year so well, the trip and all, I thought maybe I had left my bad habits behind. But no. I am not strong enough. I'm not strong enough to get up and face the day. Oh I get up. But then I usually get back in bed, pull the covers over my head. I think my friends and office have had it with me as I usually show up late to everything because of this. I can't help it. This is the time, and place, that I feel closest to Lou. When he was sick, there came a time that I did not want to leave him alone in bed. So I stayed in bed with him until later in the morning, when we would get him up. And that was precious time. My favorite time with him. And I really miss it. So, now I dab Lou's cologne on his pillow, and I snuggle up with it. And I squeeze my eyes shut really really tight. And I can almost, ALMOST, feel him. Almost. So that is why I can't get up, and that is why I'm always late, and that is why the mornings are hard for me. I'm not doing a very good job keeping this new year's resolution. Maybe next year. Maybe.
posted by CB | 11:50 PM
6 Comments:
I can't EVER say 'I know how you feel' but if in the mornings my husband leaves without saying bye because he doesn't want to wake me prematuraly....I feel sad since 'bed-time' is always what I consider 'our-time' as well, from the time we sleep to the time one of us wakes. I just wanted to say that I can relate on some level and don't feel 'bad' for staying in late...it is what it is and it's your special time with Lou so I say keep it as long as you can...
Cathy . . .
I am sure no one thinks you anything but normal with what you have and did experience with your Lou and his loss. Grieving takes time and just when you think it is over BANG it hits you smack in the face. Be kind to your self. With much love and prayers.
Cathy ... didn't anyone ever tell you? Don't you know??!!! New Years resolutions are MADE to be broken (smile) ... well, at least mine are! There are times in life when we are allowed to break rules ... the first is when you are planning your wedding ... second is having a baby, and I think probably the time when you could just about do anything and be forgiven is when you've lost a spouse ... well, I'd forgive you anyway .... but the secret is ... you need to forgive yourself. It's okay, really ... so, climb into bed and pull the covers up and squeeze your pillow. If that's where you find peace, then far be it from me to want to take that away from you ...
Hello My Dear...
.. I broke my resolution within days so you stuck it out longer than me!! Grieving is a process and sometimes, some things happen and they take us right back to square one.. go back to that store and buy that red dress, buy is so that Lou can look at you from above and admire his Beautiful wife.. there's nothing wrong with reminiscing and if, if just for a moment you can wear something and picture him by your side then by all means do it..
Love.. Jenn
Yes.. its me again.. i think you need to either print out these entries or save them on a disk somehow because it would really be a shame for so much emotion, so much wonderful expressions of feelingt to be deleted in error..
Rascal Flatts
Stand
You feel like a candle in a
hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless, like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright
Chorus
‘Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend ‘til you break
‘Cause it’s all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
Life’s like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you’re given before it’s gone
And start holdin’ on, keep holdin’ on
Every time you get up and get back in the race
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place – yeah
Then you stand
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