I wonder.....

This is the third day in a row I've written...perhaps it's too much? There's a thought that has been whirling around in my head for awhile now. I've had it many times throughout this journey, but it has become very clear to me lately. I wonder...... I wonder, if this had never happened, would I be spending so much time with Lou? I wonder, if this had never happened, would my sons have grown closer, as they have? I wonder, if this had never happened, would I have grown closer to my sons, as I have? I wonder, if this had never happened, would Drew be in grad school in Chicago (thus also helping the above two points to happen) ? I wonder, if this had never happened, would we have ever gotten any closer to Lou's family....? I wonder, if this had never happened, would we have grown closer to so many of our friends? I wonder, if this had never happened, would Damon have written an award winning poem (I do think so) I wonder, if this had never happened, would my girlfriends have become so dear to me? I wonder, if this had never happened, would I be so close to Anna, Audrey and their mother? (I like to think so) This horrible thing has brought about many good things. I like to think that most of these things would have happened on their own anyway. But I'm not SURE they would have. We'll never know. But I wonder, I just wonder.