Take what you can get

Over the course of the last several days, Lou has had a very lucid conversation with each of us, separately, lasting anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour. Amazing, give and take, non repetitive, on topic conversations.....the kind we used to get.....with our "old" Lou, the BEFORE brain tumor Lou.....THAT Lou...the Lou we so rarely see anymore. With Damon, he talked about the future....what he wants to study, where he wants to study, how can we help him, etc. Lou talked about his own experiences at that age with preparing for the future. With Drew, it was about law schools...and his future. With me, it was about our retirement.....(ok, maybe this wasn't a lucid moment but it sure sounded lucid). I was at the dinner table when he talked to Damon....if I closed my eyes, I heard Lou as he always was...he was right there with us.....but then.....it disappeared....vanished into thin air.....and we are left hanging....breathless.....aching for more....it's not to be. The boys wonder..."what IS this....did you hear Dad?".....and I say......yes...it was there....it's still there....deep inside......hang on to it....hold it close....remember it...we don't know when, or if, we will catch a glimpse of our Lou again. I find myself happy and sad when this happens. These moments taunt and tease...an emotional high inevitably brought back to earth with .."What day is it".....and on we go...to dishes and homework, and other mundane tasks..... We take what we can get......with Lou, a glimpse is so much more...a glimpse of Lou is better than an evening with someone else.......we'll take it.......