Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

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Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

It is what it is

As I was saying, I do wish I had started this blog sooner...it is getting harder for me to reflect on the lessons ... it's getting harder for me, in general. The intent of this was NOT to focus on the day to day here, that would be depressing...yet, I find I am doing that. The truth is..."it is what it is"....and it is.....sad. So very very sad. Days like yesterday make me wonder if I am strong enough to DO this, strong enough to HANDLE it. It was easier doing all the busy stuff that went with this before...the treatments, appointments, blood tests, hospital stays, phone calls, prescriptions, therapies...all that...was easier. The fight was easier truth be told. This.....this part... is hard. I have not been able to face the notion that "it is what it is"....I've been stuck in the mode of "it is NOT what it is..." sigh....perhaps it depends on what your definition of "is", is.....as an unnamed former president once said..... I stumbled upon this verse just the other day...."But whoever is joined with all the living has hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion." (Ecclesiastes, 9:4.) Hmmmm... I have wondered, these last few days, if this is true...... Interesting I stumbled on this verse NOW...I suppose, when I needed it....when I was questioning..... and then, late last night, after a difficult evening, Lou says to me, "you make my heart smile, Cathy"....and then I know......the verse is true.....it is what it is. Hoping you are enjoying the spring....and the hope it can bring. Cathy


Anonymous Angie said...

"you make my heart smile"...what a powerful phrase. it doesn't take much for hearts to smile and yet we often forget how little it takes. although it is hard and i could never imagine how hard, you're amazing cathy for handling things the way you do. my father gave me a verse a long time ago that i often refer to when faced with adversity....I Corinthians 10:13....and God is faithful, He will not give you things beyond what you can bear, but when those things do come your way, He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it...i find myself reading this over and over again throughout my life and know i'll be okay...and you will be too.

11:02 PM  
Anonymous cheri said...

Once again, your words resonate a sound that is so beautiful ... it makes MY heart smile too ...

Just know that the battle is tough ... somedays so tough you may wonder if you have the energy to face the next ... take from it the moments that make YOUR heart smile and the energy you need will find it's place with you.

Peace be with you dear friend ...

11:06 AM  
Anonymous Regina said...

That's like Lou, isn't it, to say something to make you think again? You know Cathy, he doesn't want to leave you either. On some level his heart knows this and maybe that is why he has done as well for so long. This will not be easy for him, despite his lack of memory. The last thing he ever wanted was to hurt you or the boys. What an irony that it has happened this way and that he cannot understand what is happening. Maybe it is the only way he could leave peacefully. In any case, hug him close as often as you can and I know that you do this. He knows too. Love, your friend R.

10:46 PM  

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