You can't always get what you want....
It's May already! Soon it will be 19 months since Lou's diagnosis...that was another lifetime ago...so much has happened and yet, so little too. I should have started this blog earlier. I am trying to now remember many things that seemed so poignant at the time. We're in a different place now ... treatment is over....we watch...and wait...and try to live a normal life, whatever that is. Lou's vision is very bad and will not improve and his walking is not good. He frequently mistakes what he sees for what he WANTS to see....especially apple pie....he FREQUENTLY thinks he sees apple pie...I actually get a little chuckle out of that one. Others are not so funny, like thinking his watch is his glasses. Huh? What I have figured out is that he says what is really on his mind...he is THINKING he has to put his glasses away while he is LOOKING at his watch. He is THINKING he would love some apple pie while he is LOOKING at the boring bananas. If he calls me Anna Nicole Smith while he's looking at me, then I know I'm in trouble. All kidding aside, we are in new territory here that is often hard to navigate. Ah, but that has been the way of this journey all along..changing waters that get deeper and murkier....and no map...not even a compass. Just faith...and hope.....and love.... lots of that....thank you, all, for your continued love and support...it keeps us afloat...
posted by CB | 12:54 AM
3 Comments:
As only you can, you uplift my spirits and inspire me to go on coping with this horrible monster that is inside our loved ones heads. I'm am blessed to know such a wonderful compassonate human being. Thanks for being here for us all.
I'd take you over Anna Nicole Smith any day. And you're far prettier!
Wow...again, your words nail it. This experience is so surreal, knowing what to do, how to respond, how to simply live through it all is so hard. It defies description, much as it defies understanding.
I love you, Cathy, and row with you through the turbulent waters, holding my small light high, so it can join with the light of all the others on this journey, and perhaps we can give back a small measure of the light and warmth that you bring to all of us.
Shell
Cathy,
Do you have any idea what a gift you have for expressing yourself? Or what a gift you give to the rest of us when you have the courage to say the things that all of us are thinking/feeling? In your honesty, you help the rest of us discover the joy that lurks in the small moments of our "new lives" and you show us that it's normal (and acceptable) to have times of grief and despair as we continually adjust to the instability that has become our new "normal".
Thank you, my friend.
Lori Ware
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