On The Occasion Of A C-Scan

I recently had the occasion to have a C scan. Not to worry, really nothing important at all, thankfully. I waited in the same waiting room Lou and I waited in so many,many times for his MRIs. Was taken into the scan room, laid on the table. The feelings it brought back were visceral. All the times we walked into those rooms. All the times Lou went into the machine, all the times I held onto his feet while the machine did it's duty. All the times I helped him get through the maze of the dressing room. All the times he did not know why he was there, what he was doing. All the times he was such a good egg about it all. My stomach hurt thinking about it. I wonder if those thoughts ever stop. I wonder if I'll ever be able to walk into that hospital without feeling anxious. When I walked out, the sun was shining. I remembered all the times we walked home, hand in hand, until such time that wasn't possible. As if it were a date we were on. It was a date,then. Those were our dates, those times. The very last time we went for a scan, Lou wanted to stop off at the restaurant across the street afterwards. It was our last date. I passed the restaurant on my way home and smiled. We did the best we could. It was good. As good as it could be. I have to remember that, when the pit comes back to my stomach. And it will. It does. I have to remember, it was good. As good as it could be.