Lessons from Lou
This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.
About Me
- Name: CB
- Location: Chicago, Illinois
Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.
Friday, July 27, 2007
I forgot to say this in my previous post. Thank you for your comments, those of you who do. I appreciate it. Especially some of the recent ones. I'm thinking about starting a new blog, a continuation for sure, but a slightly different focus. Don't worry, you'll be the first to know!! Thanks for reading.
"A Year Ago"
I play the "A Year Ago" game quite often. It goes like this. I often think about where we were a year ago. Where we were in this brain tumor journey. Last summer, I could say things like: "A year ago, we still went out for walks". Or, "A year ago, we had gelato down on our front porch". Or, "A year ago, we danced at a wedding". The game is not as much fun as it used to be. Not that it was ever fun. Let's just say, it's a way to think about things, to put them in some sort of order. This summer, I can only say things like, "A year ago, Lou could be with us in the family room". The truth is, a year ago, Lou was declining, rapidly. But, I can still say something about Lou and "a year ago". And, I like to be able to do that. It keeps him closer somehow. I just realized tonight, that soon, I won't be able to say "a year ago, Lou ...". Soon, I won't be able to reflect on what Lou was doing a year ago, because a year will have passed. I don't like that. When I can think of Lou being with us just a year ago, it doesn't seem quite so bad for some reason. I guess it makes him seem closer. But when I can't say "a year ago" anymore, what then? I guess I will have to think up another game. Something like, "I can remember when Lou...". See what I mean? It makes it all seem long ago when you can't say "a year ago". I don't like it. I guess it means time is marching on, and I guess I just don't like it.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Mom
Friday, July 20, 2007
My Sweet Pea
Sunday, July 15, 2007
More Random Thoughts
In no particular order. ( And, I STILL don't know how to create a list in html. I still don't know how to do ANYTHING in html, sorry for the run on sentences).
l. When you don't have to get dinner on the table for anyone but yourself, it's way too easy to have chips for dinner.
2. When you have chips for dinner, you do not feel so well the next morning.
3. I still can't do certain things alone. Especially on a weekend night. Date nights.
4. I wish I could.
5. Summer still goes much too quickly no matter what stage of life you are in.
6. I get to golf and go to baseball games all I want now and it isn't what I want.
7. Work is good.
8. Even too much work is good, now.
9. There's a comfort in being surrounded by life as it was
10. I hate being surrounded by life as it was
And so it goes. Happy Sunday.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Allnighter
It's been a long time since I've "pulled an allnighter". But, here I am. Getting awfully close to pulling an allnighter. Just a few more hours. It's work related. In a good way. Been a long time since work has kept me up all night. Guess that's a good thing. It's a good thing that there is work to do. It's a good thing that the work is so involving. Because when it is this involving it takes my mind off things. THOSE things. LOU things. When I'm all wrapped up like this, I don't think about him every five minutes. I don't see him in my mind as much. I don't wonder what it was like, what he thought, what he felt. So, this is a good thing, huh. So, all I have to do is work non stop and those thoughts will stop. Wow, what a concept. I think I'll go sleep on it. For a few hours. A cat nap. I'm too old for this.