Lessons From Cancer

As I sat in traffic on my way up to my niece's house the other day , I thought alot about what the whole thing taught me. The journey we were on. The last four years. The cancer thing. I look back at pics of me from 4-5 years ago and realize I was a baby. I knew nothing. I thought I knew alot. Thought I had it all. How wrong I was. Because all that, is gone. And now, I wonder, what does that mean, "to have it all?". And, did I really lose it all? And, if I lost it all, what did I gain, in it's place? I know I gained alot. As difficult as it is to say it, I gained alot from losing Lou. From the process of losing Lou. Now, I find myself drawing upon these lessons each and every day, as we find ourselves on another cancer journey. A different one for sure, but a cancer journey, again. I hate cancer. I don't think I hate anything as much as I hate cancer. And it's everywhere. There must be a reason, but heck if I know what it is. Is God trying to tell us something? What is it? I know what God told me. I know the lessons I learned from this disease. And I'm not going to forget them. I won't let myself. Maybe that's why I find myself thrown into another cancer journey, to make sure I don't forget the lessons??? Hey, I promise, I won't forget them. I'll leave them here, so I won't forget them. Again, I wish I could make this type appear like a list. So sorry. l. Cancer teaches you to be strong. Stronger than you ever thought possible. Comes in handy now and then. 2. Cancer showed me the good in people. All sorts of people. Where you least expect it. Strangers. There are still alot of good people in the world. Why does it take cancer to bring it out? 3. Cancer teaches you to let go. So many things we cling to thinking we have to. We don't. It's good to let go. It opens you to deal with what is before you. It opens you to deal with what comes next. It opens you to new possibilities. 4. We are all in this together. The human condition. I have met so many incredible people through cancer that I never would have met. People from all walks of life. They have each enriched my life in countless ways. 4. I've said this so many times before, and it sounds so cliche, but honestly, somebody really DOES have it worse. I was dumbfounded by the burdens so many people were carrying while dealing with the same brain tumor Lou had. SO many people have it worse. It's not a cliche. It's true. 5. Cancer teaches you to play the hand you are dealt. There is no other choice of course. HOW you play it is the choice. 6. When you've walked through the valley of death, you can face anything. Anything. Nothing scares me now. If you've dealt with cancer, you can pretty much deal with anything. 7. Cancer brought us all closer together. And it's doing it again. Why does it take something this awful to make us realize what we have. This is perhaps the one lesson I do forget. It's so easy to just go along our merry ways without thinking about what really matters. 8. We have to help each other, more. If your life is good, you need to lend a hand to someone else. We just have to, it's that simple. So many people helped us. So many people are helping Robyn. 9. You never know what's on someone's plate. You never know what burden they might be carrying. Be careful. Be watchful. Be kind. 10. Things do get better. Life does go on. We are supposed to live, again. If we don't, we have wasted the journey, and the lessons. I said earlier that I was going to try to go back and pull out the "greatest hits" of this blog but I don't think I will. It's too hard. I'll keep writing miscellaneous random thoughts until the end of the month. Cancer taught me to grab hold of life. Guess it's time.

Fun, again

Cubs are in. Cathy's happy. Cathy's VERY happy. This is Cathy at the last home game of the season. She's happy, can you tell? Wow. Happy. That's a new concept. This summer, my main goal was to have fun. Selfish, huh. The last three summers have been extremely difficult and painful. As we all know. Summer of 04, leading up to Lou's diagnosis, was not good. We all walked around on eggshells, scratching our heads wondering what was wrong. Didn't get to alot of games that year. Didn't have alot of fun. At all. Then the next two summers........well, no need to go there, now. So THIS summer, I had one main objective: have fun. Simple huh. It's not so simple when you are no longer used to it. It's not so simple when you are surrounded by memories, pictures, and everything else that goes with another life. It's not so simple when you are no longer part of the old couple. You find yourself wondering how to have fun. if you should be having fun. If it's ok to have fun. You think you should be having fun in the old way, the way you used to have fun. You catch yourself having fun and wish you were having fun in your old life. But, I am learning. As you can see. I'm a pretty quick study actually. I figured it out by about August. How to have fun, for real, again. It's possible. Post season baseball helps for sure. With a little luck (no, make that ALOT of luck), I can stretch this out through most of October, maybe. This fun thing. Fun is good. With that thought in mind, I have decided I will be ending the blog at the end of October. It's time. It has served me well. And, I'm hoping it has served others well, too. But I'm trying to have fun now. And, my life is quite full with other, more important things, my dear niece first and foremost. That isn't so much fun, but I"m so glad I can do it, that I can be there for her. The fun I've had is helping me to help her, now, I think. She lost her mom when she was 12. Her step mom is pretty far away. I"m so glad to be near. She's like a daughter to me. So, I'm on to new missions I guess. Life. Guess that's what it is. I'm going to try to pull out the "greatest hits" from this blog during the month of October. Just a few. To remind us, to leave with you. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being there. GO CUBS!