Two Years Ago

Two years ago today, my beloved daddy died. He died in his sleep, after "successfully" coming through a difficult surgery. It broke my heart. I still can't believe he is gone. When my brother called me that morning from the hospital, I knew. I knew why he was calling. And I became hysterical. Damon was in his room, it was 6:15 am and he was not yet up for school. He was probably frightened at my hysteria, not knowing the reason...thinking it was something with Lou. He didn't come into our room to find out what was wrong. Finally, Damon called his brother. And then Drew called me. It was awful, just awful. The entire thing was awful. Because Lou could not grasp it, could not remember it, from moment to moment, so I just couldn't talk about it. Because it would be the "first time" for Lou, every time it was mentioned. And Lou was very fond of my Dad. So we just didn't talk about it. I went home for one night, hurried back for Lou. No wonder I can't believe my Dad is gone, I never got the chance to mourn him. Over the months after he died, when Lou would ask about my dad, I would say he was fine. Because I know my dad IS fine. The few times I told Lou he was gone were just too difficult for him, and for me. It's also, today, five months since Lou passed away. Sounds like a good day to hide under the covers, not to mention that it is very cold. Good riddance, January!