Who Knew ?

Lots of people DIDN'T know. And for some strange reason, they are finding out NOW. Plenty of people did not know about Lou. That he was sick. That he is no longer with us. I know that. I know that some people did not know. I didn't hear from folks I thought I would hear from. No matter. It's not like I was going to pick up the phone and say, "hey guess what?'. The problem is, we live in a large apartment building. Lots of people. Lots of aquaintances. And they don't all know. Lou was not out and about for the last few months. People assume he's still here, that's understandable. It's the questions in the elevator that get to me. We are all so polite and perfunctory. It starts with the usual, "how ARE you?". You try to guage the look in their eyes, the inflection....do they know, or not? You say you are , "oh, ok". Aren't we all, always, " ok"? And then it comes. "How's your husband". Remember, large building, not everyone knows everyone's name. You hesitate. You hope the elevator is going to reach it's destination, the doors will open, and everyone will file out before you need to answer. Instead, you are stuck. You look down at the floor, hem and haw, and back up. By then, they know. They know by the time your eyes reach theirs. There is no need to say it. They know. And then the elevator doors open, a quick hug and some sort of sympathetic thought transpires, and we are off on our separate ways. I'm left blunted by the well meaning question. I wonder how long this goes on. How many times must I go through this. It's like Lou learning over and over every day, that he was sick. Because it didn't stick. Now I know, I guess, in a small way, how he must have felt. Over and over, feeling it anew. Maybe I should start taking the steps.