Maiden Voyage

I'm away. I did it. I got on the plane (seven hours late due to early snow in Chicago, but that's another story), and I'm here. In the beautiful mountains of N. Carolina, on a lake, blue blue skies and leaves changing colors, with dear dear friends. But it wasn't easy. No, it wasn't. The airport. Being overwhelmed with that feeling of being kicked in the gut...Lou and I traveled in the fall, many many times with these same dear friends, now, here I was...ALONE. It's funny, because so many times, when I traveled with Lou, I WAS alone, because we usually took separate planes, by choice. It was just a thing I had, once we had kids. Lou always said, half the fun of traveling is going together, but my silly (I can say that now, in retrospect), high anxiety levels kept me from doing that. Instead, we tried to arrive at roughly the same time, then meet each other, it was sort of romantic, actually. So, traveling alone should NOT have been such a big deal for me, but it was. I haven't been on a plane in over two years, except for the overnight trip I took eighteen months ago when my dad died. So, after a seven hour delay, I arrived, and we drove the almost two hours up to our friends mountain home. Winding, dark roads, up and up some more. Upon arrival, we quickly opened the champagne, and headed out to the porch, under the dark skies, and all the stars.....ALLLLLL the stars that I never,ever get to see, living in the middle of downtown Chicago. And, there it was, right smack dab in the middle, shining brighter then any other, and twinkling....the ONLY twinkling star....as if it were winking at us....."That's Lou".....we all knew......That's Lou. He was there, with us, twinkling, winking, and laughing, just as the Little Prince passage said......it made me feel better, it did. For that moment, it did. The next morning, and every morning since, has dawned so bright and clear, trees ablaze, air so crisp. It is achingly beautiful, if there is such a thing. And I think I am lucky to be here. And I think I am lucky to have such dear friends. But oh, how I miss Lou. I think about what would have been. The times that were yet to be. We toast him, and remember him. We hold him close. And I see him, in the stars, and in my dreams. The Maiden Voyage. I made it. But I'm not really alone. He's with me. He always is. I just need to remember that.