Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

My Photo
Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

In The Bedroom

I used to stay up late because it was "my time". It was quiet...no questions, no confusion, all that....remember? And, I always stayed in bed late,in the morning, to be with Lou. And yes, sometimes, to hide. Now I don't want to go to bed, only for different reasons. I don't like going into the bedroom. The bedroom that now seems so empty. No hospital bed. No hospital table. No medical type recliner chair. No various other paraphenalia that became a part of our daily life. The room seems bare. And empty. Yes, it is empty. Something is missing. Someone is missing. Someone is definitely missing. When I finally turn in, I cling to the pillow Lou used his last day....I'll keep the pillow case on it until it rots I think. In the morning, I will pull the covers up and hide again. Only I hide alone. I long for that hospital bed beside me that I so desperately did not want when it came. I long for all the clutter that invaded our room in order to take care of Lou. And most of all, of course, I long for him.


Blogger Sue said...

Cathy sleep is not something that has come easy for me even a year after watching my father pass from this life to another . . . . some nights are better than others. It is always so peaceful in the house during those long nights but so restless in my heart. I too long for you those hospital beds and clutter that will no longer return to your bedroom and most of all wish that "Sweet Lou" could return. So until you meet again for a dance some day I will pray for peace for your nights . . . . . . . Sue

5:55 AM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Cathy, you are such a strong person and my heart just breaks for you over and over again...I'm so thankful you shared a bit of Lou's life with me as well as yours. I continue to pray for you....I'm so sorry for the times when it just seems so unbearable....'this too shall pass'.....

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Cathy,
My heart is grieving with yours... may you have some moments today when the pain fades and the smiles break through.

Praying for you,
Lori Ware

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Kara said...

Thinking of you today, Cathy...know you are preparing to celebrate the life of your beloved Lou...praying for strength and grace for you and your sons.

Hugs, Kara

6:00 PM  
Anonymous Donna Metcalf said...

Dear Cathy,
My heart goes out to you, dear one. I still sleep with something on the other side of the bed. Laundry, books, bags, something, anything. Sometimes my beautiful granddaughter. She sleeps in my place, and I sleep in Mike's place. When she's not here, I now sleep on Mike's side and cover up the other side with "stuff." It took seven months to sleep on Mike's side.

Thank you for sharing the story of your September meeting. Just like a fairy tale without the happily ever after. I pray that you and Lou will be united again someday so that you may have your happily ever after.
I hope your boys are okay. You hang in there. There are not enough words to express my sympathy. You are a very special person to all of us. God bless. Donna Metcalf

3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Cathy,

Thinking of you. So sorry to hear you are so sad.I wish you love and comfort from God,family and friends.

Jan Weeks

8:11 PM  
Anonymous cheri said...

I have Fred's pillows stuffed into one pillowcase ... it stays in the spot he used to sleep in. I sometimes even talk to it ... strange, I know ... but just incase you find yourself doing the same thing, I didn't want you to think you were too crazy!

I love you Cathy ... and by all means, keep the pillow case just as it is ...

7:17 PM  
Anonymous Kathie said...

Cathy, Thinking of you. Praying you feel comfort in the plans you make for Lou. God Bless You.

10:54 PM  
Anonymous sharon bates said...

Dear Cathy......from the "country mouse" to the "city mouse"....just want you to know that I think of you every day...and pray that each day gets a little better for you...I don't "know" how you feel, but can only imagine....HUGS to you from way up here in Maine. Someday maybe we can get together and share stories of the "special men" in our lives.
Love, Sharon

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I appreciate your sharing your Heart and Soul, and loss of your "Dear Lou", publically, so that we who have experienced the same emptiness, and heartache know, that we are not alone, on this terrible Journey.

The unbelievable loss, of your spouse, does not go away, especially if you were Best Friends. Everything that belonged to our dear spouses, becomes a Cherished item. Hold onto those items, talk to his Spirit, and know that he, will communicate in any way that he can. Watch for his Signs.

Cathy know, that you have touched, and blessed the hearts of so many on "The List". Thank you for sharing your Journey of Love, with "Your Lou", with the rest of us.

With love and blessings,

5:17 PM  

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