Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

My Photo
Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Home Alone

I found myself alone in the apartment for quite a bit of time on Saturday. I didn't like it. I didn't like it at all. Funny how that works. I thought about the years I was a carefree, single career girl, loved my independence. Loved living alone. Loved doing what I wanted, when I wanted. It took someone very special to make me want to give that up. It was Lou of course. I happily gave it up. Lou allowed me to maintain my independence however. We always had our own interests, in addition to being a couple. Lou had his golf, and tennis, and occasionally, poker with the guys. I had my dancing and the church choir in those days, and of course, my girlfriends. Then the kids came. My dancing days were over. All of my time went to work and family. That was how I wanted it. Lou cut his golf back to one day out of the weekend. We spent all of our time as a family, and as a couple too. Those were good days, very good days. I loved those days, we rode bikes, we picked apples, pumpkin farms, sledding, even skiing, we did all those fun family things. And of course, the kids got into activities and we spent all our time watching soccer, flag football, baseball, piano lessons, etc etc etc. All good. All of it. But I don't think I EVER EVER had time alone, AT ALL, during all those years. I'm quite sure of it! Occasionally, I know I craved it. Just an afternoon to myself....bliss. Fast forward. Here I am. Had an afternoon to myself. Didn't like it. Didn't like it at all. Funny how that works. All those years I would have loved one afternoon to myself. Now I have it. And I don't want it. Don't want it at all. How ironic.


Blogger Sue said...

Although you will never stop missing Lou I hope one day your life will busy up with activities again. I continue to pray for you my friend and it is good to hear from you again. Keep on taking it one second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time. All my love.

4:23 PM  
Anonymous angie said...

i too continue to pray for you cathy....i know one day you will find 'normalcy' again....until then, i hope you're hanging in there. thinking of you... :)

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am Lisa, Matthew C.'s mom. I am from the pbt list, and I just lost my little guy on Monday to a brain tumor that spread down his spine. The funeral was yesterday, as you have been in a fog so am I.I recently found your blog and through the last 8 months recall reading of your Lou. May you find peace one day as I hope I will have too,God bless.

4:18 AM  

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