Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

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Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Monday, September 04, 2006

The Wave

So much for sunshine. So much for crisp fall days. So much for "signs". So much for being ok. I see how this goes. Yesterday, I rode the wave, bobbing on top, today, the wave sweeps over me, and I'm lost. This is how it goes. In and out. Ebb and flow. Sun and clouds. OK and not ok. It's gray today. And I couldn't get out of bed. Hiding again. Only this time, hiding alone. The wave will carry me through this week. And into the next. And one of these days, the sun will shine again. And one of these days, it will be ok. It will be ok, because it HAS to be ok. I will make it ok. For Lou, I will make it ok , he would want that. I'm trying my love, I'm trying.

5 Comments:

Blogger Sue said...

Oh Cathy I am so sorry you hit the bottom of what I call the "Rollercoaster Of Grief" today. There are going to be lots of days where you are inbetween, on top and just plain on the bottom. Your right you will make it through because you have to do it for you, for your boys, for your mom and for Lou. Please know that there are so many people out here that just love you no matter what part of this wild ride your on. My prayers are coming your way through this computer tonight. . . tomrrow and all the days to follow. Sue

10:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sue said it much better than I could have...just hang on. You're right, you'll make it. My thoughts are with you.
Marilyn

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Kathie said...

Cathy, Sue is right this is just one of many days. You will make it yes, but you don't have to be ok. We are here to hear you, we want you to share your grief. That is what friends are for even if we are only in this funny little box sitting on your desk. We are here because we love you and we want to be here for you. Unfortunately some can honestly say they know how your feel and know where you are. Others of us can just say we care. God Bless You Cathy.

1:42 AM  
Anonymous Lisa Kidd said...

I am not sure who wrote this quote, but it has helped me more than once. I wanted to share it with you...to hopefully help you a little at this sad time.

This quote tells me that it is okay once in a while for us to crawl under the blankets and cover our heads and shut out the world for a short bit. Those times of solitude can be used as a re-charging -- to gather our strength.

"Because you have occasional spells of despondency - don't despair. The sun has a sinking spell every night, but it rises all right the next morning."

Cathy, I sure wish I could give you a warm hug instead of a quote...please just know that you are thought of and prayed for continually.

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Diane Phillips said...

Ebb and flow is normal, and you know, I think it is a bit like a dialogue between you and Lou now. Sunshine is his "I'm OK." Hiding under the covers is your "Well, I'm not so sure I am." This will always be your time of year---now much more complex. I grew up in a change of seasons too, even though I'm now in Florida. Still, something inside starts stirring this time of year, rolling back to long ago, to memories and instincts I can't forget and can't unlearn. Realizing now that your moods will roll too, remind yourself with each bitter drawing back into yourself: there will be the other feelings too. Keep your heart open. The dialogue will continue.

9:54 PM  

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