Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

My Photo
Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Spring Cleaning

I still can't do it. 20 months after the fact, and I still cannot get rid of Lou's things. I have to. I have to empty these closets. I have no problem parting with most of my outdated clothing, but HIS things.....why is it so hard? The coat we bundled him in to sludge off to chemo, MRIs and doctor appointments that long, gray winter...why can't I part with THAT for heaven's sakes? It doesn't exactly hold good memories, for the most part. But, it was the last coat he wore, and I liked him in it. Neither of the boys are his size, so that idea is pretty much out, except for maybe golf hats, ties, and the like. I've given a few things to good friends and family, but I still have so much. I can see why some people do this very early on. I've tried a few times along the way. Figured by now I'd be able to. Yet here we are, the coat is still left hanging in the closet. Maybe next time. I'm quitting for today. Maybe next time.


Anonymous Lisa Kidd said...

I know how hard this can be.
I know this may sound crazy, but I remember well how I was so devastated after Dan's diagnosis and I didn't want anyone to know how badly I was hurting so I more than once went upstairs and closed the walk-in closet door behind me and lay on the floor with my head on one of Dan's tennis shoes and hold onto the pantleg of his pants hanging in the closet and just sob my heart out quietly. For some reason his "things" brought me comfort.

How I resolved the "what to do with the clothes" issue when my parents both passed away was my sisters and I went through their closets and decided which items we had distinct memories of them in and took those to a very good seamstress and she cut them up into pieces and made a lap quilt for each of us out of them. We treasure those quilts! And the other clothes that weren't filled with memories we gave to a homeless shelter and a battered women's shelter. They both would have wanted that.
So maybe if you, Drew and Devon went through the closet and chose the "memorable" items and made it into three lap quilts it would be easier for you. Then you are not "getting rid of them" you are wrapping yourself up in the warmth of those beautiful memories.
Love, Lisa Kidd

10:36 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

I was going to say the same thing as Lisa. I took several of my father's shirts, pants, even hankerchiefs and had made for myself and both my girls lovely quits and they keep me warm when I am cold and when I just plain miss him it gives my heart warmth. It is the most magnificant gift I gave to myself and my daughters. After almost three years I put on his rings and they give me warmth. It has taken a long time but finally letting myself love his belongings is happening. Sure Mom and I got rid of things to homeless shelters as well. It is hard; really hard. This sunday will be 3 years and it seems like yesterday; like yesterday my friend.

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's time to move on. you'll keep the memories 4ever. they make the rest of our lives better.

12:25 AM  
Blogger Shelley said...

Ha! Dave's toothbrush is still in the drawer. It's been 2 years 8 months 1 week and 3 days. Sometimes the toothbrush makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me smile. And, well, sometimes I don't even really see it. But somehow it's not time to throw it out. And yet, I've given away most of his clothes, some to the boys, saved some to make a quilt, and all his shoes are gone. But not the damn toothbrush. Like Lisa said, sometimes those odd little "things" bring us comfort. So you do what makes you feel better. Not what anyone thinks you "should" do.


I love you, City Mouse.
Your Country Mouse.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Cheri said...

Okay, since everyone's confessing here, I still have Fred's boots and a few other things ... his fine suits he had made in Australia ... silly things too ... I find comfort in these things. It's no surprise you do too!

Looking forward to seeing you soon!

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer Perez said...

Cathy HI!!!! I am thrilled that you decided to continue with the blog.. for some reason, the blogs have been blocked from my job computer which is awful because as soon as I get home and do the mom thing and the wife thing and the school thing..its almost 11pm.. I am just catching up.. Just wanted to send you a big Cyber hug.. I still miss ur words on the brntmr list and I am glad that you are still in the e-zone.. Happy Belated Mother's day..

8:33 PM  

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