Digging
Today I had to do some digging. Not digging in the garden, because, well, you know, I don't have one, or even a lawn for that matter. No, digging to find something in the piles of cards, letters and notes I still have from when Lou died, now 18 months ago. I found what I was looking for, but I also found so much more. I realized it is impossible to fully read and absorb the notes of sympathy that are sent after the death of a loved one. It is too hard to. And, it was too hard for quite some time, for me, anyway. The words are meant to comfort, but they are oh so hard to read, at the time. So painful. Today, I went through every card and note in that basket. Many, I did not remember having read before. Such beautiful, touching words. Such an amazing man he was, who touched so many, just by being Lou. So many cards and letters. It was comforting to read the words, now. It was sad, yes, but it was good to know so many people had said so much. It is still painful, so painful. I still have so much to get rid of, so much to go through. It's hard. It's painful. It's better not to. It's better to try to leave it behind. To look forward. Digging out. Digging through. And reaching for the sun. That's the good part of digging.
posted by CB | 9:56 PM
3 Comments:
How true . . .how hard. I still have a drawer full of letters, gift cards, greeting cards from when dad died. There are many I never opened I could recognize what they were and just put them in the drawer. Good intentions from kind people but kind people who have no idea how hard it is for the receiver to recieve. I never send sympathy cards anymore. I have tried several times over the last 2.5 years to open those and never really made it through them. To many tears, to many memories and just to darn hard. So it's ok my friend; it will always be hard I have decided.
Very true, it is hard. But, from time to time I read a few, that I didn't absorb 6 months ago when Lori died. I absorb a bit more now, just a few or one at a time. And the tears come, but some of the tears are because someone else saw and knew what a wonderful person, a beautiful gift Lori was. And she was taken too soon. I send cards more now than before, in the hope that the person will know the one that they lost was a beautiful gift too. But it will always be hard.
I can remember opening those cards, too. Every one gave a new reason to cry. But I'm glad I opened them, and I treasured every one.
Unlike Sue, I write sympathy cards, always with a thought that it is possible to get through this. Because it really is, as you will also know.
I've enjoyed reading your insights here, and I'll be back to read some more. You write very well, and I wish you all the best from London.
Spirits up.
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