Tired

It's been a very long week, hasn't it. Very long. Let's see.... storms out east, the Imus mess, mom went home after three weeks here, a friend's cousin has a brain tumor and needs help, my allergies or something are acting up, last parent teacher conference (yes, even THAT makes me sad), tax day, and, Virginia Tech. Especially, Virginia Tech. If anything, I look at what has happened there and I realize, my problems are small, really, in comparison. To lose a child, in that manner, I don't know how one would ever recover from that. Ever. THIS is hard enough. This, losing your beloved as we did, is hard enough. But THAT, I cannot imagine. I'm very tired today. I slept for twelve hours and I am still tired. I'm sure it's the allergies. But I'm just tired. It's sunny and gorgeous, and I'm tired. Its the kind of day I used to force my family out, out to bike ride or to the park, or rollerblading or whatever. Sometimes I think I have not yet fully caught up on my rest from all we went through with Lou. It took it's toll, that is for sure. Physically and emotionally. Its a very deep kind of tired that I've never experienced before. I do everything everyone tells me to do to help myself feel better. But I'm still tired. So very tired. It's not the way I WANT to be. It's just the way I AM, right now. I leave friends in a lurch, I'm late for everything, I'm not all there, wherever "there" is supposed to be. I'm nowhere, really. Neither here, nor there. Half in, half out. I guess it comes with the territory. I'm off to do what I'm supposed to do to help myself feel better, I'm taking a walk in the sun. Let's see if it helps.