Re Entry

Was away for a few days, again. This time with my younger son. Being away is good, I like it. It's the coming back that is hard. For some reason, even more so this time. Too much more so. I've been in a funk all day. I guess it is the realization that this doesn't go away, does it? "This", as in, this life. This life, now. This life, sans Lou. It is still here upon my return, imagine that! It didn't pack up and go away while I was gone. It was waiting here for me. I used to be able to find the good in practically everything. Even while Lou was sick, I saw alot of good going on around us. I can't find it now. I try and I can't. On the surface, it all looks good, I'm sure. But it's not. I just ACT like it, thinking that if I act like things are ok, at some point, they WILL be. So far, it is not working. It certainly didn't work today. But then, today I didn't even try to act like things were ok because they really were not and I couldn't possibly even try to pretend they were. I returned from a trip and it's all still here and it is not ok. Well, tomorrow is another day. I can try tomorrow. I WILL try tomorrow.