Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

My Photo
Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Re Entry

Was away for a few days, again. This time with my younger son. Being away is good, I like it. It's the coming back that is hard. For some reason, even more so this time. Too much more so. I've been in a funk all day. I guess it is the realization that this doesn't go away, does it? "This", as in, this life. This life, now. This life, sans Lou. It is still here upon my return, imagine that! It didn't pack up and go away while I was gone. It was waiting here for me. I used to be able to find the good in practically everything. Even while Lou was sick, I saw alot of good going on around us. I can't find it now. I try and I can't. On the surface, it all looks good, I'm sure. But it's not. I just ACT like it, thinking that if I act like things are ok, at some point, they WILL be. So far, it is not working. It certainly didn't work today. But then, today I didn't even try to act like things were ok because they really were not and I couldn't possibly even try to pretend they were. I returned from a trip and it's all still here and it is not ok. Well, tomorrow is another day. I can try tomorrow. I WILL try tomorrow.


Anonymous cheri said...

Do you remember the bumper stickers that read "Reality Bites" ... I used to wonder what that meant ... now I KNOW what that means, and so do you my friend. Just checking in and wanted you to know I was thinking of you and the boys. Much love to you all.

10:55 AM  
Blogger The Kitchen said...

Cathy, I am glad you posted again as I was worrying about you. I am so sorry you are in a funk. As my kids would say, "It's just not fair!!"
I'll be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts today.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Shelley said...

I remember the day that I figured out the this wasn't some "phase" to "get through," that this was now my LIFE. Sigh. I wanted to hide in my bed forever.

I love you, Cath.
Waving to Cheri...I love you, too.

Hugs, Chelle

11:55 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

"Life Sure Isn't Fair" and does "Really Bite" yes. Thank goodness for friends such as Cheri, "The Kitchen," "Shelley" and so many of us out here in cyber space that love you and care for you; we really really do!

1:03 PM  

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