No Regrets

Last night was movie night with the girls. We all wanted to see a movie that just came out yesterday, called "Evening". I knew it could potentially be a bad one for me to see (read, SAD), but the cast was absolutely amazing, so I went along. The movie is beautiful. The film, itself, is gorgeous. The acting is superb. It is very, very real. Vanessa Redgrave plays a dying woman. OK, I knew this going in, but I did NOT know she was going to be dying the entire movie, laying in bed, dying. But, the movie is about love, and life, and living life, and having no regrets. As she is dying, the story unfolds of her unrequited love affair from long, long ago. The choices we make, to grab hold of the moment, or not. To go for true happiness, inspite of surrounding circumstances, or not. And what happens if you miss it. The different course life can take when you miss that moment, that chance, to grab hold and take the ride to somewhere magical. It hit me on many levels. Of course, the laying in bed, dying, was just too close to home. The last week of Lou's life was so much like this , the movie got that part right for sure. Death can be awful , and beautiful, all at once. What got me the most though, was the idea of having regrets. Of having regrets on your deathbed. Regrets that are big enough to carry through your life, til the very end. At the end, truth comes out. There are no more pretenses, it is all wide open for you to see, and hear. I know Lou had no regrets. I know he was very satisfied with his life. I know he did not feel cheated in any way. And I know he was happy that we did not miss that moment to grab hold. That we found each other and took the ride. And, I think when I lay dying on my own deathbed, I will feel the same. It would have been easy for me to miss the moment with Lou. He was so different then what "everyone" thought I should be with. I could have listened to the concerns that were raised. But I didn't. I grabbed hold, and never looked back. And it was beautiful. Oh sure, it had it's moments, of course it did. Lots of them. But it was magical, and it was special. I think it would be so very very sad to leave this earth with regrets. To carry regrets with us to the grave. Heavy thoughts for a saturday, I know. No regrets is a big thing with me. It was my mantra while caring for Lou through his illness. I didn't want to have any regrets about what we did, or didn't do for him. And I don't. I feel good about that. Life, and death, are better with no regrets.