Lessons from Lou

This blog is about my journey through the brain tumor world with my dear husband, Lou. While not a journey I would wish on even my worst enemy, it is a journey that has enlightened and awakened me to what lies within us, and around us, each and every moment of each and every day. There are lessons here....lessons in this journey.....lessons from Lou....that I would like to share with you.

My Photo
Location: Chicago, Illinois

Picture of Lou (sick) and I at a party, circa 2005, long ago and faraway. I'm now a middle aged widow, trying to get my life back together. Mother of two young adult sons, living with two adult cats.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Fathers Day

Most of you know our story. Lou is 16 years older than I. When we met, he had been divorced for several years, with no children. I do not think Lou ever thought he would BE a father. So, when he became one, he was truly beside himself with joy. I remember him walking home from the hospital after Drew was born, carrying balloons that were sent to us, it was very very windy (it is Chicago after all), and he said it was so fun to walk home with those balloons blowing in the wind, everyone knew he had just become a father! And, when Damon was born, he was the one who saw the two rainbows that appeared in the sky outside the hospital window..he said they were for Drew and Damon. He was the one who found Damon's name in a name book while we were in the hospital! He didn't used to like kids in restaurants, but when Drew came along, we brought him everywhere of course! Lou took Drew to London. He took Damon to Japan. He took us all to Greece. He coached Drew's little league team when he really didn't care much for baseball, and he encouraged Damon's creative talents by making sure he always had sketchbooks to fill. Being an older father, he wasn't so rough and tumble with the boys, but he sure taught them alot. By example, mostly. He is a wonderful father. SOOOOO very proud of his sons. Loves those boys unconditionally. And yes, he does spoil them, though he doesn't think so. Since the brain tumor entered our lives, Lou's fathering has changed of course. But I will tell you this, the well being of his sons has never, ever left his mind and heart. I can remember in the beginning, after the diagnosis, when each day started with such confusion and tears....he would look out the window and if it was a gray fall day, as they often were that year, he would ask..."Did Damon take a jacket today, it looks cold".....it would just break my heart. And, he would insist on getting out of bed at 7 am when Damon left for school to tell him he loved him. YOu need to know that Lou ALWAYS would make sure to be at the door, saying goodbye and I love you when we left, no matter where we were going or for how long. He kept this up for awhile after the brain tumor appeared, and then one day, he just couldn't do it anymore. But he still calls it out..." Love You"......And the constant, never ending mantra now..."Where's Drew?" "Where's Damon" "Are the boys ok?" "What can I do to make this easier on the boys", "how are the boys doing"... always, always on his mind. We almost lost Lou 11 years ago to an emergency ruptured aorta. He miraculously survived a 9 hour surgery. The boys were so young then, Damon , only 5 1/2, and Drew , 12. Such tender ages to lose a father. I do believe God spared him so that he could raise his sons and see them become the men that they are. I thank God for those eleven years, how fortunate we were. And, how fortunate we still are...we love you dear Lou....Happy Father's Day.


Blogger Sue said...

My goodness what a heartfelt wish to your beloved husband and father of your two sons. It made me cry. I am sure it will make more than me cry. I lost my father a year ago and days are lonely without him and he lived 72 years. I always believed he would be around forever and ever. Life is fragil . .. . enjoy each moment you have with Lou no matter what kind of moments they are. All my love and prayers.

4:16 PM  
Anonymous Kathie said...

Cathy what a nice tribute to Lou. I can tell by what you write he is a very loving father. I hope you have a comfortable day today. As Sue said enjoy each day each moment. Had not heard of his surgery 11 years ago. What a nice gift you and the boys have had. We never do know when our loved ones will leave us. My father left me 21 years ago. Seems like forever some day and others like yesterday.
God Bless You Cathy, Lou and the boys. Prayers comming from Walla Walla.

5:28 PM  
Blogger Shelley said...

Another day, balanced on the edge between what was, and what is to be.
Negotiating the emotional chasm on each side of the line upon which you are so delicately balanced.
A special day, one that leads to introspection, remembering, hoping.
Appreciating the gift of eleven years, while knowing it's not nearly enough.
Seeing your boys, growing into fine young men, seeing Lou's influence, living in them.
Railing, fighting, screaming inside at the tumor, the beast that slowly erodes much of what is precious to you.
Wishing I could stop time, wishing I could bring you the world before the tumor, when your family was whole, when Lou was completely Lou.
Knowing you're treasuring every minute, even though those moments bring new grief, new losses.
Sending love, hugs, prayers, and faith...

12:40 AM  

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